Showing posts with label how to talk to a negative friend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how to talk to a negative friend. Show all posts

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Reducing stress Part 3

There is one word in the English language that will help you reduce stress.  It helps you avoid many things that in life that could cause stress.

This word is NO!

I know, easier said than done but practice it with me....ready....set......NO!!



When you are asked to help volunteer AGAIN for a cause and your first thought is "ugh, is it that time already" or "I just don't have the time" say NO!  Saying no does NOT make you a bad person but saying yes could make you feel bad....and that bad is stress and you can't help anyone when you are not at your best.  Saying no may make you "feel bad" for the moment but will reduce your stress in the long run.

Another thing to say NO to is any conversation that "drains you" or will become a heated conversation.  Earlier we talked about avoiding the friend conversation who always has a problem.  I want to expand on that one.  Avoid ALL conversations that could lead to a heated discussion; religion & politics are good examples of this but your list may contain a few more topics.  If your are right wing and your friend is left wing this time of year is a difficult one.  When you are with your friend don't bring up the subject of politics.  If the subject is brought up, "wow. look at the time sorry but I need to get going."  Just say NO to those conversations.

Just say NO to the news if you find yourself worrying or getting upset or mad about everything on news.  Turn the channel or turn it off.  Trust me....if it is something you need to know it will be on again.  

Remember, you will not be ANY good to ANY one if you are stressed.  So remember this:

A:  Always
N:  No before 
Y:  Yes

ANY will allow you to say no first.  You will than be able to "think" about it without the immediate pressure of being in the moment.  

Come back and learn what you can do to reduce stress when you can't say NO.

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Monday, October 1, 2012

Reducing Stress: Part 1



If you have been following this blog you know about good stress vs. bad stress.  Over the next few blogs we are going to discuss some simple things you can do to reduce stress in your life.




Negative out is negative in.  
We all have that friend who are mostly negative.  Everything in their life is negative and they love "dumping" it on you.  We don't want to be a "bad friend" so we listen.  Negative out of them is negative into us.  We cannot help but "react" to what they are saying:

  • Their job is horrible
  • Their spouse is horrible
  • Their child(ren) are out of control
  • They never have enough money to pay their bills
  • Their car broke down
The list goes on and on and on and on.  Each day there is something different.  Some days it repeats something that you heard a week or month ago.

Some people just absorb the energy of those around us.  If you are surrounded by happy people you can't help but be happy.  If you are with someone who is negative you can't help but feel stressed.

So how do reduce YOUR stress of listening without being a bad friend?  

Here's what I do (not that it will work with everyone)
  • Allow that friend five minutes to tell me what is "wrong" in their life.  (I will actually tell them they have only five minutes and I will actually clock the time).
  • Once the five minutes are up I allow them five minutes to tell me how they are going to solve the problem.  (I prompt this by saying, "okay so your child isn't listening what can you do to fix that?)
  • After that five minutes (10 minutes total) I turn the conversation to something positive about that person.  (At this time I don't talk about positive things in my life).
  • Now you can have a normal conversation without the negative portions which keeps you from getting stressed.
If my friend continues to come back to the same negative conversation over a period of time (example: my boss is a jerk) I will tell my friend, "I am sorry about your situation but for the next week, month, etc. you cannot talk about your boss unless it is positive).  I have found that the person who is mostly negative continues to be negative if all they say is negative things.  

Eliminate the stress that you take on from others by changing your reaction to it.  It starts with change.  Change requires a plan.  By reducing your stress in this situation you may help your friend become a more positive person with more positive thoughts. Win Win!

Keep coming back for more ways to reduce stress in situations.

How do you reduce stress with your friends.  Please comment, maybe what you do will help someone else.

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